Am I Abandoning My Baby If I Sleep Train?
You may have seem some huge Instagram accounts claiming to have no-cry sleep solutions, or sleep methods that don’t involve sleep training because in their eyes, sleep training = abandonment.
I want to break this down for you a little further so you can understand that those 2 things (sleep training and abandonment) have NOTHING to do with each other.
First of all, sleep training is the process in which you are teaching your child to fall asleep independently. No matter which method you use, that’s the end goal. Independent sleep.
To break down the sleep training methods a little further, there are 4 main ones:
CIO or Extinction
Stay in the Room
Interval Check Ins
Attachment Based
To read more about those 4 methods, click here.
The 2 methods that I teach my clients are the Stay in the Room Method and the Leave and Check Method. Both of these sleep training methods offer a lot of security for the child and the parent. While crying is a normal part of a child’s life (hey, it’s how they communicate and dispute change), I never ask parents to leave their child to cry for an undefined amount of time without being able to ever see their baby. I just don’t believe in that.
According to Oxford Dictionary, Abandon means: an act or instance of leaving a person or thing permanently and completely.
With sleep training, you are simply NOT doing this. There is always a point in which you check in on your child or you get them up for the morning.
In severe cases of neglect and parental drug use, children can show symptoms and signs of abandonment because their cries are never ever being responded to.
When crying or protesting ceases with sleep training, it’s not because the baby is being conditioned - knowing they are never responded to…in fact, it’s the opposite. They have created a secure attachment with their parent or caregiver - knowing that they will get responded to if they need it, but that sleep is their job now. Some babies use a little bit of crying as a self-soothing mechanism, while others develop other self-soothing mechanisms to help themselves fall asleep (ex. thumb-sucking, rubbing their face on their crib sheet, twirling their hair, etc.). They are also becoming more and more comfortable with their sleep space, so it doesn’t have a negative connotation…simply put - they’re happy to be there because they know their body feels good when it gets a good, long sleep!
I feel passionate about this subject because I have worked with hundreds of clients, PLUS I have sleep trained my own 2 children. I feel very secure in my relationship with my children, and I know that they trust me and love me the same. Sleep training is very healthy, and can be an integral part of a mother’s postpartum journey. That being said, it isn’t for everyone!
If you’re interested in knowing more about sleep training, let’s book a call and chat!
