How to bring a new baby home to your busy toddler
I think this question always lingers in the back of a mother's mind when she is contemplating a new pregnancy. How do I bring a new baby home to my other child? It can feel scary and intimidating.
"Will I be able to love my newborn as much as my other baby?"
"Will my toddler feel neglected while I'm so busy nursing or trying to calm the baby down?"
"Will my toddler's temperament or attitude change with this new baby coming home?"
All of these questions are NORMAL and so real. I don't ever want you to feel guilt around wondering these things.
Now in regards to sleep - will things change when you bring your new baby home?
YES. Yes they will.
This is because a new baby is so fun and exciting and toddlers are the MASTERS of FOMO (Fear of missing out). They basically invented FOMO to try to coax us into letting them stay up past their bedtime ;)
Their sleep will also change in a sense that you can't physically do all of the things anymore. If you've resorted to laying with them until they fall asleep - you won't be able to do that anymore because you have another tiny human to look after.
Even children who have been sleep trained will sometimes have a mini "regression" period because things are different now and they aren't the complete centre of attention.
So what can we do?
Remain CONSISTENT. I always tell my clients that I PREACH consistency and if there is one thing I want them to remember from our time working together, it is to remain consistent - no matter what.
Keep Your Bedtime Routine. Just because you have a newborn, doesn't mean your toddler's bedtime routine gets shoved to the back burner. If you're feeling like it's impossible, you can bathe them together, give your toddler their bedtime snack while you're nursing the baby, etc. Toddlers LOVE to be involved and "in charge."
Keep Them in the Crib. Chances are - you've thought about moving your toddler into their own "big bed" and out of their crib - because the new baby will need the crib, right? WRONG. It is rare that we put a brand new newborn into a crib for their first days/weeks at home. Newborns can sleep in the bassinet, in a pack n' play, or heck - buy a used crib!! But DON'T move your toddler into a bigger bed just to convenience the new baby. I like to keep toddlers in their cribs until they're 3 if they aren't unsafely climbing out of it. Lower that sucker to the floor and keep them in it!
1 on 1 Time. This one is super important and often forgotten about - especially with the chaos of balancing 2 children now! Your toddler thrives on attention and quality time spent with you. Make a point to spend 15-30 minutes a day just the 2 of you. It will seriously help them wind down and ease into their bedtime routine at the end of the day. It also lets your toddler feel really secure in their relationship with you - especially with this new HUGE change.
Play & Outdoor Time. I have preached play and outdoor activity consistently on my social media posts, but not often enough on my blog. Time spent outdoors is SOOOO important for sleep. Where I live, the temperatures reach -40 celsius BUT we always make it a priority and bundle up and head outside. Physical activity is also imperative for a restful sleep. Making time for play and outdoor time will seriously help your toddler sleep well.
Room Sharing. If you are planning on sharing your toddler's room with the new baby, I have a few suggestions first. DON'T move your toddler. Toddlers like stability - let them stay in their own room. I also wouldn't combine rooms unless your baby has dropped all of their night feedings (around 6 months of age). This is because your new baby WILL require food in the night, where your toddler won't. It isn't fair to your toddler to have them wake up every time the baby is hungry, only because they're sharing rooms. When you decide to sleep train your baby, I suggest sleep training them in your room first, and then transition them to the room they'll be sharing with the toddler afterwards.
Seek Help. If your toddler is really not sleeping well - or they haven't for a long time - GET HELP. I offer extensive 1 on 1 support packages where daily schedules and helpful routines are laid out for you to easily follow. I also provide TONS of follow-up support so you really feel confident in your good sleeper. No surprises for you, mama!
I want you to know one last thing - YOU ARE A GOOD MOTHER. Whether or not you follow this advice, you are AMAZING. Bringing a child into this world is scary, but so rewarding. Know that you're doing the best job. No one is a better fit for your child than YOU!
