How to Handle Unwanted Comments While Sleep Training
Over the years, I’ve dealt with a lot of comments, both positive AND negative, surrounding my child’s sleep environment. My clients have experienced similar comments and it is mind-boggling how critical, invalidating, and judgmental some people are.
I’ve paired up with Masters of Counselling Psychology student, Rebecca Beaulne, to help formulate some answers that you can give to these unnecessary comments/questions that you get.
“Just lay them on their stomach to sleep. That always worked for my kids.”
I’m glad that worked for you and that you never ran into any issues with it. However the safe sleep guidelines are evolving and the “back to sleep” campaign insists on laying your baby to sleep on their back to help with SIDS prevention. I know that once my baby rolls onto their tummy themselves, it’ll be safe for them to sleep like that.
“Mix some baby cereal in their bottle. That’ll help fill them up.”
Recommendations seem to change over time. The prevailing wisdom now is that it’s actually not safe to mix cereal into their bottle. Not only is it not nutritional, but it doesn’t help the baby sleep any longer - independent sleep skills do that.
“We don’t believe in sleep training. We actually responded to our babies.”
Parenting is hard, and it can look different for each family. I’m glad that your way of sleep responding worked for your family, just like sleep training works for mine. I am positive that my child’s needs are being met, and that her budding sleep skills are benefitting everyone in our family.
Or,
Wow that sure sounds judgmental. Did you mean to come across so harsh? (Turn it back on them – they get to own their response to your personal decision to establish a sleeping routine for your child).
Or,
If I want your opinion about my baby’s sleep, I’ll ask.
“You’ll sleep when they’re 18!”
I expect that my sleep patterns will change because of my child, but I also know that I can adjust and teach them how to sleep well before their 18th birthday. (Additionally, these kinds of comments reinforce unhelpful narratives about what defines a “good” parent. Most of us function better with a good night’s sleep – and so do our children. It is reasonable to expect that you can be a good parent and get regular, satisfying sleep).
“Why are you complaining? You signed up for this by having a baby”
Thanks Karen – I’m not complaining, I’m looking for support – which is why we’ve decided to hire a sleep consultant.
“Sleep is developmental and some babies just can’t sleep well.”
You’re right, some babies are naturally good sleepers, while others aren’t. However, I believe that every baby has the ability to sleep well, some just need some help to get there.
“How’s she feeling this morning? Does she still like adults after her crying session last night?”
You know what Karen, I may be feeling sensitive to your passive aggressive comment, but the truth is I am concerned that my baby knows she’s loved and cared about. I’m doing everything I can to follow the sleep plan created by the professional I hired. One thing I pay attention to is how happy and connected my baby is to me during her wake times. This helps reassure me that she’s fine.
“Be fun! Let her stay up later”
I know that it may seem like I am strict with bedtime, but I really look forward to a break from parenting each night when my baby goes to bed. I also know that she has sleep needs, and going to bed early is one of them. I’m excited for you to play with her tomorrow morning!
“That’s not how I did things when my kids were little and they turned out fine”
I’m glad you had the chance to do things your way without being judged. Please give me the same respect.
“Don’t be such a buzzkill with their schedule. The baby will sleep when they want to.”
I really enjoy going to bed before I feel overtired, and I know my baby feels the same. We’ve developed a schedule that works well for our family, and I don’t like to alter it too much. The better she sleeps, the better I sleep.
Your parenting decisions don’t require explanation. Snarky comments are an invitation to feel bad about yourself.
Don’t accept the invitation.
Yes - things are different now than they were “back in the day.”
WHAT ISN’T DIFFERENT NOW? Everything is evolving and changing.
If you are met with judgemental and rude comments about your child’s sleep, I want you to take a deep breath, and respond with an answer that allows your to respect your boundaries that you’ve set. Remember the goals you set for yourself and your baby when you started your sleep training journey. And ALWAYS remember that your parenting decisions don’t require an explanation (well - unless they’re unsafe and really questionable…but that isn’t you - I know it).
If you do need help with starting the sleep training process and want to know if working together would make sense, I invite you to read the stories of some of the parents who have worked directly with me. I know we can make such a positive change!
