Is my baby SCARED of the dark?

Can a baby really be scared of the dark?

We notoriously put nightlights in our children's rooms to combat this "fear," but are we actually putting these lights in to help us when we respond for night feedings or to check in on our babies?

“The fear of the dark tends to evolve around the time children are old enough to have a sense of imagination,” says Jenn Berman, PhD, a family therapist in Beverly Hills, Calif.

To answer our question - NO. Babies don't have a fear of the dark.

Sometimes when we are sleep training, once we walk into the child's room they actually start to cry. This is short-term and actually a good indicator to you that they are beginning to learn the cues for sleep. The crying is simply some FOMO (fear of missing out) and they are bummed to be leaving the party (aka YOU) and having to go to bed.

This DOES NOT mean they are scared of their room, they don't like their room, or anything like that!

Usually, the fear of the dark hits home for kids around the ages of 2 or 3, when they’re old enough to imagine, but not wise enough to distinguish fantasy from reality, Berman says.

This gives the unknown an opportunity to turn scary. Add to that a blank slate of a young brain-- with no distractions to preoccupy the mind -- and a shadow in a dark corner of a child’s bedroom can easily become a three-headed beast.

“There are fewer distractions to keep a child’s mind occupied at night,” says Dobbins, who is also an assistant professor of paediatrics and child psychiatry at Southern Illinois University. “So instead, his imagination runs wild, and as a result, a kid who seems well adjusted during the day may be more vulnerable at night.”

So what can we do to help them with these fears?

A night light can be helpful. If you decide to go with a nightlight - I highly recommend it glows red/orange or yellow. Think of sunset colours. Those colours help the production of melatonin, whereas blue and green hinder the production of melatonin.

Positivity. This is HUGE. If your child expresses a fear of the dark, or their bedroom, it's important to respond with positivity, understanding, and love. That being said - PLEASE don't ask them what it was they had a nightmare of, or exactly what the "monster" looks like, because this just makes their fear so much more real.

Screen Time Allowance. We wonder where these fears even come from, but what we don't realize is how much of an impact TV, Youtube, and other media sources have on our children. I am SO guilty of listening to my True Crime Podcast (Small Town Dicks or Casefile) out loud while cleaning and Drake is just around the corner playing. These little things can definitely influence their sense of imagination and their feelings of being scared. Even popular cartoons or an intense news broadcast can give our children this ammunition to create intense, fearful situations in their minds.

Make Bedtime Comfortable and Soothing. When working together, I always give examples of possible routines, and routine changes if things are already going pretty well. These bedtime routines are essential for preparing the mind and body for sleep. It acts as a cueing mechanism to signal that sleep is near. Try to make your bedtime routine as soothing as possible. Maybe it's time to add in a baby massage with lotion, add a warm comfortable bath, or a few happy stories to end the routine off. Routines can involve SO many different activities - but I do always recommend that they are only 30 minutes in length.

Night Terrors. Night terrors are caused by over-arousal of the Central Nervous System. If your child is suffering from night terrors - check for these 3 things.
Are they overtired?
Are they too warm?
Is there a common activity that happens before a night terror occurs?
If a child is chronically overtired, night terrors are way more susceptible to occur. Another indicator for having night terrors is if your child's room or even just their little bodies are too hot. I recommend that the bedroom is between 17-20 degrees Celsius at night. Also pay attention to what happened during the day - the day before the night terror. You may start to notice some commonalities. Unfortunately night terrors are somewhat common in young children, and although scary for us, thankfully they don't remember having them! A great resource for night terrors is located here.

If you are still struggling with consistency, or it feels like nothing can combat this fear of the dark, reach out to me. I love working 1 on 1 with clients to help them sleep well, and through the night!