New Sibling Regression and How to Handle it
Bringing home a new baby can come with a lot of different emotions. I remember feeling so many different feelings during my last few weeks of pregnancy with my 2nd, and then again with my 3rd pregnancy. There was so much excitement, dread (over lack of sleep coming), nervousness, anxiety, guilt, happiness, and so much more. Being pregnant seems to amplify the feelings too, so I felt like a basket-case.
Despite how you’re feeling about bringing home a new baby to your toddler, they are feeling things too. It can actually be really common for them to exhibit symptoms of regression in certain behaviours, and especially with their sleep.
Newborns require a lot of time and attention. Even though they’re sleepy, they are often slow feeders, they need many diaper changes throughout the day, and they are usually poor nighttime sleepers - resulting in tired parents. It can be tempting to try to get more childcare for your toddler, or see if they can go over to Grandma’s house for a few nights, but sometimes all they need is you.
If your toddler is showing some symptoms of a sleep regression since bringing home your new baby, here are 5 things I would recommend doing to help them through this:
Have a baby-free bedtime routine. It’s important for your toddler to not feel like just because their new sibling is here, mom is now occupied 100% of them time. I recommend trying to keep things as normal as possible, so that your toddler isn’t thrown off of their routine too much. If available, I recommend putting your newborn is a safe, supervised place (or with another parent or caregiver), and do your toddler’s bedtime routine completely alone with them. That way you can focus all of your attention on your toddler and they can really feel like they’re important.
Incorporate play into their nightly routine. Once a child turns 2, it can be really fun to incorporate play into their bedtime routine. This can be a fun, bonding time together since your newborn won’t be able to participate, so it’s special just for your toddler. This play-time is only 5-10 minutes long, and it’ll happen after your toddler’s bath. Not only does this get their wiggles out, but it also fills their happy-cup right before going to sleep.
Spend intentional screen-free time together. I always recommend that parents spend at least 2 full, 15-minute periods with their child each day. This intentional 1-on-1 time together is doing something that your child wants to do (play-doh, colouring, making a snack together, baking cookies, etc.) and it does not involve screens of any kind. Talk with your toddler, ask them questions, and really pay attention to them.
If a child isn’t getting adequate attention from their parents during the day, they will often play bedtime games and start stalling like crazy. This can be a sign that they want to connect with you, so having that intentional daytime connection is so crucial.Tell them why they’re special and what you love about them. Periodically throughout the day, tell your toddler why they’re important to you and what you love about them. I find myself telling my children how I love to talk to them and converse about things, how I admire how strong they are or how they were able to problem-solve something hard! As humans, we love to be recognized and acknowledged for things we’re doing well. Our kids are no different - find the good and let them know it.
Let them be a toddler. I vividly remember bringing home my youngest - who was only 15 months younger than her sister - and feeling so nervous. I had 2 babies. I remember sitting on the couch breastfeeding my newborn, and then having my 15 month old climb onto the other side of my lap for a snuggle. I never pushed her away or told her I was busy, I just let her be a toddler and let her be curious about her sister. I truly believe that letting your toddler be a toddler, is so important. For my girls, it ensured that my older daughter wasn’t resentful of the new baby because I was also aware of her need to be held and acknowledged. This simple example didn’t work in every scenario of course, but often times we expect our ‘older’ kids to know the difference between right and wrong, and to help their siblings, etc. but we then forget that they’re still tiny too.
If your child is regressing in their sleep since bringing your new baby home, I highly recommend doing these 5 things listed above. The last thing that I recommend, is to be consistent and loving with your toddler. Bringing a whole new human into their life is a big deal, so validating their feelings is important, and your consistency to their regular routines will be essential for them to continue being a good sleeper.
If you are in the thick of it and it doesn’t seem like anything is helping your toddler go back to being a good sleeper, please don’t hesitate to reach out and we can discuss some sleep package options.
