The 3-Year Sleep Regression

I’m positive you’ve heard of a sleep regression before and most likely - you’ve LIVED through one! Sleep regressions are hiccups in a baby’s “otherwise-normal” sleep routine. They really affect some children, and others - they hardly phase.

One thing is for certain though - around age 3, things change.

Here are some of the reasons why your toddler might be pushing back at bedtime:

They are exercising their independence
I remember when my son turned 3 and all of a sudden - he didn’t want my help anymore. He didn’t want help into the car, didn’t want help getting dressed, and definitely didn’t want help brushing his teeth. At 3 years old, your child is beginning to show massive signs of independence and they want to do things themselves! Even if it means major frustration for them (and you!).
Bedtime can be a time where toddlers really pushback. They want to be in charge of choosing their pjs, brushing their teeth, choosing their story, and then demanding that mom/dad lay with them until they fall asleep.

Introducing a new sibling
Introducing a new sibling can really bring up a lot of feelings for a child - specifically a toddler. In between age 2-3 is the most common time that a new sibling comes home. Feelings of jealousy can arise and the need for undivided attention is strong. Devoting 2-20 minute sessions of 1-on-1 time with your child (with NO SCREENS) is super important to do when bringing a new sibling into the house. It’ll help your toddler remember how important they are to you, and how even though they have a new sibling, their relationship with you is solid.

Transitioning to a big bed
This can cause MAJOR upset with sleep routines. Transitioning to a new bed can feel exciting, but also daunting at the same time. I never recommend this transition before age 3 because it is hard for a 2-year old to understand why they have to stay in their room. Even if your child was previously a great sleeper, sometimes moving into a new bed can throw things way off track. The most common thing I see is parents start laying with their child until they fall asleep - but that turns into them eventually co-sleeping because the child wakes so frequently throughout the night to find where mom/dad went.
Make sure that your child is ready to transition to a big bed before you do it. I also recommend talking about this change before it happens. Discuss your bedtime rules and expectations (ex. When you’re in a big bed, you need to stay in your room all night long until I get you in the morning, okay?"). Talking about change is often met by compliance because your child is prepared and not blindsided.

Developmental Milestones
Developmental milestones play a huge role in common sleep regressions. In fact, these milestones are the very reason that sleep regressions exist. At age 3, some of the milestones you might notice are: potty training, language surges, emotional changes, etc.
These can all play a role in how they sleep because upon learning a new skill, children feel the need to master that skill to a certain extent before taking a break. You might find your child singing themselves to sleep if they’ve recently learned a new son. You might notice that your child goes to the potty 3 times during the bedtime routine - just to practice. Or you might find that bedtime is full of upset when it used to be a calm, relaxing event.

Fears/Nightmares/Phobias
Due to the introduction of screen-time, it’s common for fears and nightmares to creep into your child’s mind and affect their sleep. I would limit their daytime usage and eliminate all screens 1-hour before your desired bedtime. I also recommend monitoring what your child is watching so that they aren’t getting scared by shows that are too mature for their age.
I am NOT against screen-time whatsoever. In fact, I think it’s such a helpful tool. But ensuring that your child is using it appropriately is important.
If your child does express fears at nighttime, I would encourage you to address it, then ask them what they’d like to dream about instead. Finish off your bedtime routine by talking about the 3 best things about their day.
Mindfulness and positivity can seriously impact someone’s ability to sleep.

Changes to Naps
Generally in between age 2.5-3.5, children drop their midday nap! This can be really emotional as they go from being awake for 5.5 hours at a time, to a whopping 12 hours! Parents generally report an increase in emotions during this period. It won’t always be like that, but it is common to notice some changes to their current sleep habits.

With all of that said…

How can you help your 3-year old through this period of growth?

Remain consistent with your bedtime routine and daily routine. Although they may push against it, structure and routine are calming and reassuring for a toddler. They like to feel like they are in charge, until they’re actually in charge and then they feel insecure. It’s not their job to run the household - that’s your job!

Be patient with your 3-year old. They are feeling a LOT of feelings and validating them goes a long way. I know how frustrating it can be to have a toddler tantrum, but the more calm you stay, the better the outcome.

If nothing you’re doing is helping their sleep - then don’t hesitate to reach out. I love working with 3-year olds and have seen SO much success in solidifying their nightly routine and getting them to sleep through the night.