The Difference Between Nightmares and Night Terrors
Nightmares and Night Terrors are VERY different, but they often get lumped into the same category. Unfortunately, both are a normal part of childhood development. Although not every child experiences both nightmares and night terrors, it’s good to know the difference between the 2 and how to handle each situation that arises.
Nightmares
Nightmares are fairly common once a child is over the age of 2. While they can feel really scary for your child, they are a normal part of their development. Nightmares/fears generally stem from seeing something scary on TV or a tablet, hearing about new and scary things from other children at daycare or school, or just exposure to change. Some examples of changes that can trigger nightmares for your toddler are:
- Bringing home a new sibling
- Transitioning to a big bed from a crib
- Starting Daycare or school
- Potty Training
One of the more common childhood fears, is fear of the dark or a fear of monsters.
Nightmares occur during REM sleep which is the end stage of a sleep cycle and they often occur during the first half of the night. Your child will wake because of their scary dream and generally they will call out to you to seek comfort and reassurance. They may even want to tell you what they dreamt about to make them feel so scared. Validating their feelings will be vital in helping them fall back to sleep.
What can you do to prevent nightmares?
Avoid excessive screen-time use and definitely avoid anything ‘scary.’ I’ve worked with clients who have children who are sensitive to Mayor Humdinger on Paw Patrol, whereas some toddler and young children are fine with watching Monsters Inc.
You’ll have to judge your child’s sensitivity level and even if they seem ‘fine’ watching something deemed slightly scary, if they wake in the night talking about that scary thing, then it’s best to avoid it in the future.Have a relaxing and consistent bedtime routine. It’s ideal if your bedtime routine includes things that calm your child down. Such as a warm bath, reading a story while snuggled up together, or even finishing your day with telling each other about 3 great things that happened that day. The more positive your bedtime experience is with your child, the easier they’ll fall asleep in a great mood.
Early Bedtime. It’s ideal if bedtime is between 6:30-8:30pm. Children who are overtired are more prone to exhibiting fears around sleep, and will frequently wake due to nightmares or night terrors.
Validate your child’s feelings. Instead of having your child recount their bad dream to you (which makes them relive the experience), let them know that you are listening.
Say things like:
- That sounds really scary. I want you to know that mom would never let anything bad happen to you.
- Thank you for telling me that. Do you want me to sing you a song?
If repeated nightmares keep waking up your child, you can consider getting a dream catcher, or even implementing a night light if that would be beneficial. I’ve also seen lots of success with parents putting a framed family photo on their child’s night stand so that way when they wake in the night, they’re immediately seeing the people they love the most.
Night Terrors
Night Terrors are not as common as nightmares, but they definitely feel scary for the parent when they occur. What usually happens is a child will wake up from a quiet sleep, screaming/yelling. It’s shocking to the parent, and when the parent goes in to check on the child, it’ll seem almost like they are in a trance. Even if their piercing screams make it seem like they’re awake, they are usually still asleep. This is why holding your child and trying to calm them down is generally ineffective.
Night terrors most commonly affect children in the 4-12 year age range, but they have been noted to have happened in children much younger - such as 18 month old toddlers.
Some of the reasons children get night terrors are these:
- If a child is too stressed or if they’re sick.
- If a child is overtired or sleep deprived
- If a child is too hot
- There is a family history of night terrors or sleep walking (or other sleep disturbances)
Night Terrors occur in the deepest stage of Non-REM sleep, which is why it’s very difficult to rouse your child or comfort them if they are having a night terror. However, rest assured that although it sounds scary for your child, it isn’t. They won’t have any recollection of waking from a night terror and it isn’t scary for them.
What can you do to prevent night terrors?
Create a Bedtime Routine that is Simple and Relaxing
This sounds too easy - and it really is! Having a consistent bedtime routine can be such a useful tool for your child. Make sure that their routine is around 30 minutes long, and that they are winding down during it.
For a 4-year old, my favourite routine is this:
- Bedtime Snack
- Bath or Shower
- PJ’s, Brush Teeth
- 5 mins of Play (puzzle or hide n seek, etc.)
- Read 1 story
- Kisses and into bedCommit to Early Bedtime
We know that overtiredness is one of the main triggers for night terrors, so make sure that your child is getting adequate rest. Ensuring that bedtime is between the hours of 6:30pm-8:30pm is ideal. However, if your child is always going to bed at 8:30pm, but wakes at 5am, then you’ll want to adjust bedtime so that it’s earlier - allowing your child more nighttime sleep hours.Reduce any Stress in Your Child’s Life
Children really feed off of our energy and they can sense when things are off or wrong. It is not a child’s responsibility to be stressing over adult matters. Don’t include your child in heavy conversations or talk about stressers in YOUR life. I also want you to avoid harsh discipline close to bedtime. We never want bedtime to be a stressful situation for your child, so ensuring that they feel loved and safe should be our priority. In fact, finishing your day off by talking about your “3 favourite things” that happened that day can be really helpful.Avoid Overtiredness
There is a natural dip in our circadian rhythm after the dinner hours, and this is the ideal time to start your child’s bedtime routine and get them settled off and into bed. If we miss that window, it’s common for children to get another rush of cortisol which can make them “bounce off the walls” or seem like they’ve gotten a second-wind and are NOT tired enough to go to sleep. By putting your child to bed early, we are making sure that they are getting enough of those restorative nighttime sleep hours, and they aren’t too tired in the evening.
As mentioned above, night terrors can be hereditary and if you or your spouse have a history of experiencing night terrors, sleep talking, and especially sleep walking - then it’ll be more likely that your child will exhibit some of these same behaviours. If they are recurring night after night, with no end in sight, please reach out to your family doctor or Pediatrician and get a referral to a children’s sleep specialist to run further testing.
Understanding the difference between nightmares and night terrors can be really helpful when providing your child with comfort and assistance. This is a normal part of a child’s development, but it shouldn’t be something that happens every single night.
