Toddler Transition Tips
Toddlers are such fun little humans. I am always chasing after my own son, Drake, the entire time he’s awake. Thankfully he still takes a nap in the middle of the day - otherwise I think we’d both be going to bed at 7pm lol. Aside from being a cute, hilarious, smart, and an outgoing little boy, he is also full of BIG feelings. Feelings that sometimes seem too big for his little body.
This is what prompted me to do some research and put together some toddler transition tips.
Most likely, some of the hardest times with young children, and toddlers in particular, are during a transition. A transition is when you are moving from one activity to the next. Transitions usually mean that your child has to stop playing or doing something they love, to go down for a nap, eat a meal, start their bedtime routine, or leave in the vehicle.
Some reasons that these transitions can be hard for our toddlers, is that they can get super focused on what they are doing. They also don’t have a sense of time, and they usually don’t WANT to do the next thing. They might go into a “fight-or-flight” if the next activity means they have to leave you or leave the fun toy they were playing with.
The developing toddler brain isn’t wired to make the connection that stopping one activity to start another is okay because you can come back to the fun thing again at a later time. EVEN if it’s just a diaper change - they scream as though they’ll never see their toys again. No buddy, give me literally 1 minute.
The 3 most important things to keep in mind while transitioning a toddler is to: plan ahead, give notice, and stay calm.
Our children can sense our stress levels. Think about it - our ANIMALS can even sense when we are agitated, stressed, or nervous about something or someone. Our babies and children are similar. They can tell when we are in a “hurry-mode” or when we are rushing to meet a deadline. We want to give transitions lots of time in our daily schedule, that way our toddlers feel like they have a little sense of control over the situation. Because - we all know what happens when we try to control every little bit of our toddler’s every move….CHAOS and SCREAMING.
Toddlers are also usually going through the, “I DO IT!” phase, which might complicate your transition plan. Especially if you rush to do it for him—and he completely freezes and screams, “NO! ME…ME do it.” Oh the joys…
Here are some good tips to help make transitions for your toddler smoother:
Manage your expectations and your frustration.
Think of what makes you ‘tick.’ What steps do you do to help yourself calm down in a moment when you feel like losing it? If you can feel your anger bubbling up and you’re having a hard time following your plan, try to “fake it ‘till you make it.” Often, I try to speak in a very calm voice even if my inner voice is screaming and thrashing around…lol. My husband always comments how level headed I am - and I just laugh and laugh. If only he knew.
An example of this is when you say “it’s time to get into your car seat. Let’s see if you can get in there before I count to 5!” In this scenario, my inner voice is rolling her eyes and feeling aggravated as to say “JUST GET IN THE DANG CAR.” Sometimes just thinking about how ridiculous my inner voice is makes me laugh…I bet she’s a fiery redhead ;)
One thing to remember - Don’t yell during transitions. Never ever.
Know your child’s ability to handle change.
Can your child handle a quick shift with only one warning, or does your child do better with twenty minutes of a routine to let him know the next activity is coming. Once you understand what kind of routine is needed, make one.
Something that can be helpful is to establish a transition routine and use it every time an activity change is happening. Using a clean up song can be very helpful - or giving your child a gentle warning that play time is coming to an end.
Be consistent
Most people - even us - like to know what’s coming next. I am a huge lover of planning ahead and preparing my day. I don’t love when people just “show up” at my house, mostly because it throws my own routines off. Similarly with sleep training, we want to be consistent in our methods. With sleep specifically, if we are not consistent, we will not see progress.
With transitions, it can be similar. The progress will be so slow or minimal if we are hardly ever consistent with our transition routines. We don’t always have to use the same transition routine all the time, but giving yourself time, and your toddler options, will be so helpful.
Keep it short and sweet.
We want to keep our instructions short and precise. Instead of always finishing our sentences with a question, like “okay?” Use simple language that your toddler will understand. We want to be able to tell our children exactly what we mean, so that they won’t be confused and become frustrated at their lack on understanding.
Take time to show your toddler where things go & then make it a fun game to put the toys away.
Keep it FUN!
Whenever we can make a transition or an activity fun with our toddler, the easier it will be.
For example:
Chasing your toddler up the stairs
Racing them to the bathroom and letting them beat you
Make silly faces while brushing their teeth
Give them options for picking out pj’s and books before bed
When the transition doesn’t go as planned - meltdown central.
I will be the first to admit that I am NOT a perfect mother. I wish I was. I wish I had a magic cure for toddler tantrums, but unfortunately I don’t. I’ve yelled at Drake and sent him to timeout. I’ve felt so frustrated when he’s having a tantrum that I feel like I can’t focus. But I have also had so many great transition periods with him where even if he gets frazzled and frustrated, we are able to figure it out & be okay.
On days where things feel really really hard, and everyone is having a meltdown - please just remember these 2 small things.
Stay calm - even if your child is too far gone
Do no hard. This is usually when we as parents can do something that severs the relationship with our child.
Firmly, but not aggressively, do what you need to but always remember to keep yourself in control. Tomorrow is a new day.
